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Alexithymia

by Collin Clowes

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1.
Cry 02:52
We were lost, Found shelter in the shade, (Verse A) And then we were caught, Thought we were dead for days. Yeah we saw the sun, Break through the rain, (Verse B) And we’ll be okay, But we’ll never be the same. I wish I could tell you what’s been on my mind, (Chorus) But all that would do is make you want to cry. This is where, I got these scars on my skin, (Verse C) And I’ll be just fine, Once these drugs settle in. Yeah I wish I could tell you what's been on my mind, But all that would do is make you want to cry, (Chorus B) And some things in this life aren’t worth the tears, Cause we know now I just don’t belong here.
2.
Better 04:01
I wish I was better, I wish I knew right from wrong, I wish I went back to get her, Yeah She’s been waiting far too long. (Verse A) I’m not like my father, No matter how bad I want to be, And I get these looks from my mother, Like she don’t know who she sees. Cause maybe I’m going nowhere, Yeah Maybe I never will, So I’ll just sit with this blank stare, I try to move but I stay still. I try to move but I stay still. (Pre-Chorus A) So maybe I’m frozen, These scars are still open, I guess I’m just a little bit broken, And I can’t fix this, though I wished it, (Chorus A) I keep falling down, Down, Down, Down. And maybe if I was better, People would have stayed, A lot of maybes to consider, Yeah maybe things can never change. (Verse B) Cause I keep going in circles Just trying to catch my tail But I’m still stuck in the middle, While people wait for me to fail. Yeah people wait for me to fail. (Pre-Chorus B) So maybe I’m frozen, These scars are still open, I guess I’m just a little bit broken, And I can’t fix this, though I wished it, (Chorus B) I keep falling down, Down, down, down. And if I ever get to where i need to be, I can finally say all the secrets I can’t keep, (Outro/Bridge) I am scared as hell but that will never show, Through the fire & flames I go.
3.
1995 03:57
There was smoke across the valley, We held each other closely, (Verse A) As the flames grew bigger, With each breath. That’s when you said you loved me, So we laid down quietly, (Verse B) And talked about a life, We could have lived. And so I wonder where we’re going from here, If we don’t make it out, would we shed our fear? Cause we were at the right place at the wrong time, I swear we could have loved in 1995, (Chorus A) I swear we could have loved if there wasn’t much to figure out, If all of the worries were nothing to worry about, You’ve been on my mind like 1995, I swear we could have loved, I swear we could have loved. This world never saw us, Now this place just makes me nauseous, (Verse C) Cause they can’t say their words. Until we’re gone. Yeah I wonder where we’re going from here, If we don’t make it out, would they shed their tears? Cause we were at the right place at the wrong time, I swear we could have loved in 1995, I swear we could have loved if there wasn’t much to figure out, (Chorus B) If all of the worries were nothing to worry about, Yeah you’ve been on my mind like 1995, I swear we could have loved, I swear we could have loved in 1995. (Instrumental Outro)
4.
Stars 04:07
Stars don’t shine where you stand, Whisper & tell them all why, You held the cards within your hands, But then you just let them all slide, (Verse A) Now you’re fire is burning brighter, Brighter than it should, And you’ve grown tired from all of these liars, But you wouldn’t leave if you could. I wait forever, Just to hear your voice, But you’re always leaving with no reason, Not even a choice, You pick me up to knock me down, Tell me that I’m no good now, (Chorus A) But I still waited for you You give me words that I never heard, Maybe I should have learned, You're no good for me. Now we’re backing in the beginning, Watching this all unfold, And you don’t hear the words I’m singing, Maybe this is getting too old. Cause now my fire is burning brighter, But dreams don’t seem to be coming through, (Verse B) And I’m so tired from all of these liars, But I still search for someone like you. I wait forever, Just to hear your voice, But you’re always leaving with no reason, Not even a choice, You pick me up to knock me down, Tell me that I’m no good now, (Chorus B) But I still waited for you You give me words that I never heard, Maybe I should have learned, You're no good for me. (Outro)
5.
The Sun 03:22
We found pain inside, Are you even still alive, Did you get scared, (Verse A) Going out into the night? We can't find our way, Leave it to me to break, Just like all of these promises we made, You were the sun in my sky, I told you so many times that, There's no way out of here, So give up your reasons, (Chorus A) What you believe in, I can't explain why but I feel you leaving, Cause you know there's no way back, Who knew we'd love like that. We're in denial, we take steps back, You loved me for a while, (Verse B) What more can a man really ask? I'd be a fool, To say I regret, All of the moments that, we tended to spend. Cause you were the sun in my sky, I told you so many times that, There's no way out of here, So give up your reasons, (Chorus B) What you believe in, I can't explain why but I feel you leaving, Cause you know there's no way back, Who knew we'd love like that We'll have time, To mess it up, (Bridge) Yeah we'll have time, To mess things up again.
6.
Space-Monkey 02:17
I’ve been waiting, (Verse A) For some time, But now this world has passed me by, There are people I do adore, But they don’t know me anymore. Cause I’m the space-monkey, Going, going, gone. Don’t forget me but carry on, (Chorus A) Space-Monkey, In orbit I go, Straight into the unknown, Space-Monkey There was a time, So long ago, (Verse B) You set the fire in my soul, But that was then, This is now, I couldn’t even tell you how I’m the, Space-Monkey, Going, going, gone. Don’t forget me but carry on, (Chorus B) Space-Monkey, In orbit I go, Straight into the unknown, Space-Monkey, Space-Monkey.

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A 6 track ep I recorded throughout 2022-2023

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released September 1, 2023

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Collin Clowes Thunder Bay, Ontario

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